


Life's Ambition

by dramady



Category: Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-04-04
Updated: 2010-04-04
Packaged: 2017-10-08 17:15:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,007
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/77743
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dramady/pseuds/dramady
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Seeing Martin Bedell gets John thinking.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Life's Ambition

The first time post-Judgment Day that John saw Martin Bedell, it was 2024. He'd heard of the soldier and when he'd heard, he'd been glad he'd been alone and could sit down and take a deep breath.

It wasn't like he didn't have anything on his mind and it wasn't like he didn't have anything to do. But the name Martin Bedell was one that could jar him from whatever he was doing. It was so easy to remember meeting when he was young. When they were both young, when Bedell just wanted to run.

John still wished he had. Someone should have been able to be free.

He saw Bedell in the tunnels. He looked the same, except for a scar that had bisected his face. The soldiers had stood aside as he and Cameron had passed. John had turned, catching Bedell's eye before he turned.

_So, this is what I'm supposed to do? Graduate? Go to West Point like I don't know the end of the world is coming? Like any of this, any of it, really matters._

It does matter. It all matters.

Do you believe that?

I've got to.

When they've passed the soldiers, John told Cameron to bring Bedell to him later.

He'd just gotten the latest intelligence when Cameron knocked on the door and pushed it open, standing aside to let Bedell in and closing the door behind them. For some reason, John stood, setting the print-outs aside.

"Sir."

"Stand down, soldier." John came around the battered desk. "Do you remember me?"

Bedell's eyes, startling clear, light blue, didn't stay on him long. "Sir?"

John's secret was that he hated being called Sir. Hated it with a passion. "You heard me. Do you remember me?"

"Sir, yes, sir."

He should've been reassured. For a long time, he leaned against his desk, arms folded over his chest as he looked at Martin Bedell, who, aside from the scar, looked almost exactly the same. "... I hear good things about you," he finally said.

"Thank you, sir."

He should be used to it, by now, but he's not. John wished someone would just _talk_ to him! Just... talk to him. Not be all freaked out about being in the presence of _John Connor_. He wasn't anything special. He just was, spending his days trying to figure out how to win. How to save what was left of humanity.

"What ever happened to the girl you met?"

Something flashed in Bedell's eyes and he glanced at John and away. "Sir?"

"The girl. The one you'd met who liked to run. What happened to her?" The one that Judgment Day, or just the idea of it, kept Bedell from being with. That John kept Bedell from being with. Martin Bedell who dies for John. Dies the death of a hero. The only death John didn't know about was his own.

_We all die for you._ John gave himself a shake and focused on Bedell again.

"She went to Princeton, sir. Became a ... lawyer in the New York City."

A lawyer. "Do you know...?" John asked, more curious than he should be.

"Judgment Day, sir?" Bedell was focused on the far wall. "Considering that she laughed at me and told me never to call her again when I was drinking when I told her, I'm not holding my breath that she's alive."

Abashed, John looked away. Fair enough. "I'm sorry," he heard himself say.

So many people lost. So many who couldn't be saved. _It's useless to cry over it, isn't it?_ he'd once said to Cameron back when Derek died, the same Derek who walked the tunnels right that moment.

_You died. Shot in Weaver's house._

I died.

Died. Die. Will die. Just... know that what you taught me - will teach me ... it saves lives.

They didn't have that conversation, John and Derek. But he wanted to. He wanted to thank Derek, to punch him in the stomach, even to give him a hug.

He did none of those things. He looked over at Bedell and took a deep breath. "Are you still fast?"

"Sir?" There was the smallest smirk on Martin's face. "Yes, sir, I am."

"Good." They'd need that. John couldn't think of anything else to say, so he nodded again. "Dismissed."

Bedell nodded, turned on his heel and went out the door, replaced by Cameron as John sat back in his chair, hands over his face as he scrubbed at it.

"He's a strong tactician."

"I know," John answered, eyes still closed. "One of my best soldiers."

"It's his life's ambition."

"What?!" John's gaze was sharp when he opened his eyes and focused on her.

"It's his life's ambition and you help him achieve it." As always, Cameron's face was blank.

"Don't say that." John turned away from her. "Don't ever say that."

"It's what he says. Quite a bit."

"That's why you shouldn't say it." Leaning forward, John put his head in his hands. What he wouldn't give for some sunlight, to feel it on his face. He could still smell the tar of that time in the forest. Or maybe that was just the smell of the tunnels. Who could tell anymore.

Maybe next time. Maybe next time he sent someone back, it could be different, they could change this, it all could be avoided. Maybe he'd be free. Maybe Martin could run and be with the girl.

His mother had never told him that his whole life was going to be made up of maybes.

_He dies for you. We all die for you._

Kyle, Sarah, his foster parents, Charley, Derek... the list went on and on. John rubbed at his temples. There had to be a way.

There had to. Next time. The next person he sent back would be the key to undoing all of this.

_It does matter. It all matters ... I have to believe that_.

Save the future. After all, it was John's life's ambition. People like Bedell were just here to help him achieve that.


End file.
